Dreaded sugar again

I'd been doing so well, sugar-free for nearly a month. I was so proud and relieved that I could actually do it and not even so much as want a nibble. After about 3 weeks though, sure enough - it found me. It apparently missed me and claimed me against my better judgement. Not really wanting to give in, I indulged anyway because the truth was I missed it too. First a Chunky Monkey smoothie, then two delicious thick and scrumptious frosted cookies. Nirvana. And last but not least, a Godiva peanut butter chocolate egg - the Queen Mother of Sugar.

What threw me off? Too busy. Not paying attention. Needing to slow down and ignoring my inner voice. How true it is we need to listen to our cravings! However, ironically, none of it satisfied me like it had before. I was shocked. I went from one delectable treat to the next, assuring myself in the process that each one's successor would give me the sweetness I so desired. Hmm. I was perplexed. How was it that none of it made me feel even temporarily good ?

Then comes the backlash. It started with a super intense sugar rush that felt like I was on crack, literally. Next a total nose dive in my energy and a few sleepless nights from a good dose of sugar-driven high anxiety, one of my least favorite side effects. Of course I couldn't get out of it without a little road rage for about a week. Lastly, it wreaked havoc on my face in the form of a nasty break out. Not just one or two spots mind you but more like four, in one day, which took over a week to go away. Really pretty...ugh.

When will I ever learn? All I can say is life gets complicated. It's hard to be perfect every day of the week. My theory on this one: de-evolution, also known as self-sabotage syndrome. Simply put we crave foods that throw us off thus creating more cravings to balance ourselves. Huh? Why would we do that? I don't know, but we do. Things were going so well for me I just had to shake it up and give myself something to be miserable about. I don't get it either.

One good thing that came out of it is that I realized I'm basically over sugar. It just doesn't do it for me anymore. Woohoo! What a relief. It was all worth it to find this out. I thought it would never happen. Now, there is no reason for me to ever partake in a full-on sugar fest knowing it does nothing to appease my taste buds. I prefer the calm, peaceful feeling from eating and living in balance instead.

That's the true sweetness I crave anyways.